Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
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