How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
hot twin vs twin who's good in bed. why do my life choices same way unfair
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
Randomize
