Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
Randomize
