bl l w
this should be fun to decipher. I'd like to buy a vowel.
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
If its not for food we ain't going out.
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
Randomize
