You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
Randomize
