Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
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