is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
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