I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
Randomize
