Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
Randomize
