And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
Randomize
