I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
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