That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
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