she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
what the fuck happened to the tacos
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