The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
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