Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
Randomize