I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
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