the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
I am spending my child support on dildos
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
Randomize
