im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
Randomize
