Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
Randomize