First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
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