my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
Randomize
