I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
Randomize
