Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
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