My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
Randomize
