Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
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