found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
So it's safe to say that it's all down hill from here
Do you mean easy livin or downward spiral of alcoholism and disappointment
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
I think i got beer on your cat.
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
Randomize
