my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
The seats are awesome but you see two of each player.
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
Randomize
