trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
Randomize
