She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
Randomize
