Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
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