no but I have been chillin' like em' homeboys in the rainforest yo!
if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
Randomize
