I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
Randomize
