Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
Randomize
