i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
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