This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
Randomize
