Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
Randomize
