eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
Randomize
