i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
Randomize
