So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
Randomize
