i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
Randomize
