i've decided that sluttiness is like a disease, it can lay dormant in you for years and then one day you go to college and with all the booze and drugs and boys and time on your hands symptoms begin to show then one day BAM you're a huge slut. it's like how izzie had skin cancer and it grew into brain cancer.
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
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