wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
Why do girls get to wear clothes that say "do me now" but guys don't have that kind of option?
I mean, what would the male equivalent of a slutty dress be?
If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
Randomize