You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
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