Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
Randomize
