you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
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