i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
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