i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
Randomize
