You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
Randomize
