I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
Randomize
