just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
Randomize