Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
Randomize
