I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
Randomize
