My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
Randomize
