a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
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