you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
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