i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
Nutrition teacher wants anything i eat or drink documented for the week including dancefestopia. Do you know the recommended daily ammount of psylicybin or MDMA?
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
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