I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
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