just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
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