Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
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