What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
Randomize
