I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
Randomize
