sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Randomize
