Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
Randomize