he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
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