The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
We need to get me chipped asap
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
Randomize
