Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
Randomize
