Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
Randomize
