I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
Randomize
