I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
he is a creepy guy.
yea thats what heroine does to ppl.
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
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