i just googled 'classy porn'. high, low, i dunno i just got bored of cum shots.
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
Randomize
