I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
Randomize
